Buds on the trees; sunlight through the branches

by cathrynbauer

A gnome house at Annmarie Garden

Well, somehow, I have finally learned to meditate!  Thank you, OBOD!  I have spirit guides now and everything.  Amazing, and I look forward to the continuing effect this will have on me. I have already had one big insight come flying out of my subconscious in the form of a dream.  It was vivid, and when I woke up, I knew what it meant.  I realized that unconsciously, I live in fear of punishment.  I know where that came from, and it wasn’t just the ghastly parents.  School was like that, too.  We had a principal who used corporal punishment in the form of paddles and a strap.  Like many and most likely all of the children, the fear of him was always in my mind.  Add that to parents who were not kind to me, and it’s a belief, an attitude, a message that I want to shed as quickly as I can.   I am even considering doing a banishing spell.  As I write this, that sounds better and better.  I believe that the meditation is helping to open up the door of my unconscious mind and showing me what’s there, what needs to be done.

I have a new Lightspeed which is named The Firebolt.  Strange how much your writing improves when you have a fully working machine.  What is strange to me is that Dobby, the older Lightspeed, still feels somewhat different, and I don’t write as cleanly on it.  Weird.  I got a detailed note of what the repair guy thought happened and how he fixed it which was much appreciated.  Stenovations just really seems to have smartened up their whole tech support since the time I last had to call.  I have changed my practice, too.  I feel that I hit a kind of a wall with Mark K.’s program.  Much as I like and respect him, I am JUST SO TIRED of that right-wing material in the lits, and also of feeling demoralized at the high speeds.  I have gone back to the strange way of practice that most reporters would shake a finger at.  Take a fast piece of material, try to write it, then go back and identify words and phrases I missed, hesitated over, etc.  List them and drill on them.   But when I do what I really, really need to do with practice, I am surprised at my speed the next time on the job.

Things are moving along with the house!  It is going to be a sort of yellow cream color with dark blue trim.  We spent about five hours making choices about faucets, flooring, and the like.  Ted wants to get the brand names, check them out, and substitute if necessary.  I have finally realized that I was not going to have the time and energy to pursue interests and meet like-minded others and do it wholeheartedly with the attention it deserves until this is all considerably more settled.  I did go to a monthly Scottish session up near Baltimore which was a lot of fun; definitely returning, and there were business cards exchanged.  But I need the foundation of our home first.  The spring is finally here, and I am happy to be living among so many trees in such a beautiful place.  But I still feel wrenched.  I still miss the beaches and the redwoods.  I still don’t want to look at pictures of our Danville garden or of my forays to the coast.  This is going to take a while.  The better job I do with putting the home together and getting a solid footing with work, the sooner it will happen.

I started myfitnesspal.com this week.  It’s going well; two pounds since Wednesday.  Having to write down everything I eat is the best thing I could do apart from increasing exercise which I’ve also done.  Gave myself the day off from writing down food today.  It can get really wearing.  So I’m thinking of burnout avoidance, still watching what I eat today, just not logging it.

I have so much on my plate (pun intended).  Just have to keep slogging on.  The OBOD work does add a needed glisten to it all, however.