Oh Hekate…

by cathrynbauer

Well, I am through with my long run of five-day-a-week court work.  There is tremendous turmoil because of the budget cuts.  Although I do have a few days of court already scheduled over August, I do think it’s best to assume that court work is drying up.  Returning to the depo/CART world sounds excellent, assuming I can make it work, and that definitely won’t happen over the next two weeks.  The middle two weeks of August have always been a slow time for me work-wise.  I plan to leverage the court experience as much as possible.  I’ve already pointed out to one agency owner that with all of the civil court closures, it’s reasonable to expect an upsurge in private arbitration proceedings; I have done a great deal of Family Court work, and I’m a natural for that kind of reporting given my familiarity with the codes and protocols.  I do think these last three and half years where I did primarily court work have overall made me a better reporter.  They’ve definitely shown me I want to improve my skills.

Interesting that this is happening just as Ted’s work life is starting to pick up (he’s been out of work since February); yet another reason for faith.  Hekate is the goddess of crossroads and changes.  She’s dark, masked and mysterious, but under all of that, benevolent.  Back in 1989, I saw the most marvelous painting of Hekate by William Blake.  She was sitting among her animal familiars, big dogs and/or wolves, nude, her strong back to the viewer, looking over her shoulder at us.  I was mesmerized by that image and remain so.  I’ve been trying for years to find a print of that and haven’t, not even in a book.  It wasn’t the traditional representation with the dark cloak and her face partially obscured by a black mask.  He showed Hekate relaxing among her familiars.  I believe that Hekate calls us to be fearless, watchful, ready for anything.

Having some Druids over to celebrate Lughnassadh, the first harvest, tomorrow.   This group believes what I believe, and I really enjoy their company.  But there isn’t much energy for the group on the part of the priest who organizes it.  He’s really a fascinating, goodhearted gentleman, and I like his wife very much, as well.  But they’re very involved in the Society for Creative Anachronism, definitely not my group of people, and their discretionary time and energies typically go toward that.  Finally admitted to myself this past week that overall, I am disappointed in Pagan World, and I do miss going to church even though I don’t want to be Christian!  I guess the Reader’s Digest version is that spiritual needs, always very important to me, are not being met.  I need more.  I miss the beauty of church services, the conscious time of nurturance and connection.  One solution might be to check out the Unitarian Church.  I don’t think I’ll make it there tomorrow because I have to get the place ready for the ritual.

Another change: decided to go back on my modified Medifast diet that brought me success two years ago.  Lost 20 pounds and gained eight of it back, sigh, and I still have more to go once I gain back that ground.  My good friend Helen and I were in the same courthouse office Thursday afternoon, and it turned out we are both really dissatisfied with our weight.  We came to the mutual conclusion that there was a lot of important stuff in our lives we could do jack about (e.g., the court closures and layoffs), so it would feel good to be in control with our weight and dieting.  Placed a MF order yesterday, started off with one good day, working for the same today.

The trick is to be able to enjoy the next slow couple of weeks and not worry them away like I’ve done in the past.  I’ll have some work, and I need to do some serious self-promotion.  But I don’t have to work all that much or hard.  I just need to get the rest while I can and not waste time worrying because calendars everywhere right now are slow.

Onward, ever onward.